Finding Faults II

The basic premise of the book, “Loving What Is”, is that the idea that something shouldn’t be happening is invalid.

The word “shouldn’t” is one of the most dangerous words in the language, because its use means you are arguing with reality.

One must learn to accept what is happening as being exactly what should be happening, taken all factors into account. In other words, if you don’t like what is happening, you need to take a fresh look at your approach to what is happening, because the problems lies with you.

Operating from this standpoint leads one to a Super-Adult state. Accepting – indeed, welcoming – whatever is happening as an infallible guide to help modify your behaviour. Operating from this state is very calming and stress-free. One accepts and accommodates circumstances, rather than rails against them. “It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness,” A much healthier attitude.

Basically one is changing from a Parent-Child attitude towards circumstances to an Adult-Adult one. Operating from this state it is much easier to adopt a habit of praising for performance or attempted improvements, rather than to look for fault with what has been achieved. In reality, it will always be possible to find some fault, no matter how good the performance. There will always be something that could have been better. But rejoice in what has been achieved. This will make those involved feel good about themselves and encourage further improvement.

The more one uses this in practice, the easier it becomes and one wonders why the old habits ever were seen as the preferred mode of behaviour. This does require vigilance however, as there will be a constant tendency to revert to old habits, but one soon learns to correct this automatic response. Ritual behaviours and games are particularly prone to these outmoded mind-trap patterns of behaviour. Try it – you will be very pleased with the new you.


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